Be Bold

A Survivor’s Guide to Reimagining Your Life

The unthinkable has just happened!  You’ve just parted ways with the company or institution that provided a way of life for your family.  Adding insult to injury, you’re filled with a variety of emotions.  You have no idea where to go or what to do.  You vacillate between crying, yelling, or just getting back in bed.  You’re exhausted and you feel very much alone.  Well, great news, you’re not alone.

Regardless of circumstance, there are some very real steps you can take to make this journey more of what you want and less of an anxiety-fueled rollercoaster ride.  So, in the midst of the madness, let’s talk about how to help ourselves solve the unique and daunting task of…rethinking our very existence.  Here are three simple rules to lean into throughout the entire process of change.  Let’s identify them first and then discuss their application.

Rule #1 – Be Bold

This breakup can mean one of two things and there’s very little middle ground in between.  This will either be the best thing that’s even happened to you or it will be something you survive.  The cool part is that with some help and direction, anyone can turn this from drama to opportunity.

Be bold is getting a better view.  By better view, I’m referring to a better view of your: life, strengths, weaknesses, demeanor, energy, posture, tone, problem solving style, or your….blank.  To do so, we need others.  In particular, we need their feedback and we need it to be honest.  Family, friends, coworkers, former bosses, as well as career development agencies are all uniquely positioned to help develop this “better view”.  Aggressively pursue their opinions by asking tough questions but do so ONLY if you provide them space and time to answer.

Being bold means putting yourself out there.  Being bold means asking for help.  Being bold means admitting where we are emotionally.  Being bold means dealing with your emotional baggage from the breakup (with your former employer).  Being bold means seeking input and using it to adjust your approach, even if it’s only ever-so-slightly.  Being bold means showing up, even when you don’t want to.  Being bold means taking risks on our journey.  Being bold means a quiet confidence in the face of the enormity of the unknown.  Being bold means listening to your heart over and over again.

Rule #2 – Be Open

The impact of this transition will undoubtedly affect your mental health as well as your relationships.  Structural change tends to add pressure to relationships however, that isn’t the only possible outcome.  It’s important to understand this upfront. (Again, this is something career development practitioners attempt to communicate daily so let them help you!) Having a rough idea of how things will evolve helps us stay vigilantly open during the churn of reimagining one’s life.  This openness is paramount to the ultimate success of our current task and we stand little chance without it.

Be open to new…anything.  New adventures/experiences/acquaintances can often drive our sense of wonder and help encourage a creative line of thinking.  Pursuing new routines, new social or support groups, and seeking out new strategic relationships (including mentorships) can serve as a catalyst to move in a certain direction.  Openness to the new leads to embracing the unknown and that is exactly where we want to be mentally.

Being open means letting those around you in so they’re close enough to help.  Proximity is important in this creative process meaning the closer people are to this issue, the better their comprehension of it.  As comprehension increases, so the quality of their suggestions.  Being open means getting out of your own way.  Being open means actively trying to stay out of your own way.  Being open means putting practices in place that help you remain open more of the time.  Being open means providing space and time for things to happen.  Being open means giving those around you the permission to be truly honest with you.  Being open means re-evaluating budgets and trimming expenses so we can remain open for longer without chronically worrying about finances.  Being open means failing to create reasons not to try.

Rule #3 – Be Intentional

During the tumult of change, it’s important to understand momentum.  Momentum is a certain tendency to stay the same due to the trajectory and mass of an object.  Changing momentum is hard; anyone can agree.  Therefore, to change momentum, we need discipline.  Discipline allows us to keep showing up when things get hard.  Discipline provides the consistency needed to turn these fledgling ideas of a new way of life into reality.  Lean into this one immediately.

Be intentional about creating a system where change is not only possible but probable.  Systems are often designed with different components that serve different functions.  Part of our system will be social.  These social engagements help us feel connected to the world when we feel hopelessly adrift in our career paths.  As basic as it may sound, learning to have fun again is another critical component of our change system.  Nothing works well or for very long without it.  The last main component of our system is balance.  Say it with me, “we WILL do more of what we want to do going forward”.  Repeat as often as necessary.

Be intentional in finding your tribe.  Be intentional in getting outside.  Be intentional in getting a second opinion, and a third, and fourth.  Be intentional is creating space to move.  Be intentional in checking in, and back in, and back in again.  Be intentional is rethinking value propositions and scalability.  Be intentional in deliberating withholding judgment while things develop.  Be intentional in where you are and what you do.  Be intentional in actively choosing to do more of what you want more of the time.  Be intentional in creating the life you want, not the one you’ll settle for.

The road to a new life is beset on all sides by hardship.  Creating change is NOT easy.  Doing things differently doesn’t come naturally (to most of us).  That said, if we can put a few things in place in our lives and remember a few other for perspective, the journey becomes a lot less like waterboarding and a lot more like a beautiful metamorphosis.  Change is possible.  Completely reimaging your life is possible.  Finding happiness and fulfillment in ways you’ve never known is possible.  And the great news is, people do…it….every….day!

That’s all for today, my dear friends, but please reach out if you need me and maybe next time, we’ll talk about the specific steps I took that completely changed my life.

Signing off – Jay