Don’t Stay Silent
Supporting Those Facing Workplace Challenges
An encounter that you are guaranteed to face in your lifetime will be when something negative happens to someone you know where you work, worship, or serve. When good things happen, everyone seems to know what to do or say.
Understanding the Challenges When Things Don’t Go as Planned
When it’s not so good, it’s much harder to know what to do. So what does “not so good” mean?
- They interviewed for a promotion and didn’t get the position but only the responsibility.
- The endeavor they were leading failed miserably.
- Their division in the company is sold and they will no longer be part of the organization.
I have seen this many times and people get released from their employment, not for anything they did.
- Through an organizational realignment, they are being moved to a new role that does not fit them.
- Through an organizational restructuring, their job is eliminated. Sometimes this is a convenience for the employer and the easiest way to eliminate the person.
In most of those situations, the person is still around, trying to put on a public face that says, “it’ll be okay”, but inside they are struggling. They may feel like everyone is avoiding them, and that only makes it worse. Silence can hurt, but being present can help even if few words are spoken.
Navigating the Awkward Silence
The impact becomes like a death, where people know you’re in pain, but don’t know what to do or say. Yet unlike a death, the person is still around. In fact, you may see them in the hallway. Everyone wonders, what do I do? Should I go see them? What will I say? Will it help? Will it only make them hurt more if I say something?
The result is most people say nothing, and that’s not good. Silence can hurt and create feelings of disgrace.
I remember 30 years ago I was working as a leader in my friend’s company and one of the other long-term employees I worked with was relieved of her responsibility. They asked her to remain with the organization for a couple of weeks to help train her replacement. We were not close friends, but we had worked together for a few months. I was new to this company, and it was awkward. I didn’t know what to do or what I would say to her, so I said nothing. Inside, I knew I shouldn’t be silent, but what should I say to her? Regretfully, I stayed away and never forgot it. I know saying nothing hurt her.
When Empathy Matters Most
When changes have happened to me (they ultimately happen to all of us) I always wished someone would say something so I could talk about it. As an example, when I sold a company my partners and I had built, my reporting relationship moved from local to corporate. They had told us when they purchased our company that they liked everything we were doing and nothing would change. It began changing within weeks and it continued till I gave them notice that I was leaving. On the outside, it didn’t seem like much, but it was significant to me as they put me in a role that was contrary to my leadership style. No one wanted to talk about it, they were just glad it didn’t happen to them.
When something difficult happens, people are usually surprised by the people they expected to say or do something and don’t. It hurts. You don’t want to be alone in difficult times.
When you are aware of someone who has been impacted, be the person who says something, who stops by to visit or at least makes a phone call. You can’t fix what happened, don’t even try. I doubt they will remember what you say to them, but I suspect they will always remember you came by. You’ll make a difference in their life. You’ll be there when they need you.
Never forget, that’s one of our gifts to others to be there to comfort them during difficult times.
